Optimus Prime: i regret being tasked the emotional burden of maintaining the final bastion of morality and Nice manners in this endless ocean of human SHIT
Ratchet: the wise man bowed his head solemnly and spoke: “theres actually zero difference between good & bad things. you imbecile. you fucking moron”
Bumblebee: 1st grade: Mastered. 2nd Grade: MAstered. 3rd Grade: Mastered. 4th Grade: Heres when they start trying to trick you 5th Grade:This ones hard
Arcee: strongest blade in the world, howeve,r it is so fragile as to shatter when handled by any force other than the delicate touch of a lesbian
Bulkhead: i fear my tropical fish no longer respect me after i accidetnally stumbled backwards & smushed my ass hole right up against their $3000 tank
Wheeljack: IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL
Cliffjumper: priest plugs my coffin in at the end of the funeral. “MILLERTIME” lights up in neon on the side, desecrating my corpse & sending me to hell
Smokescreen: the doctor reveals my blood pressure is 420 over 69. I hoot and holler out of the building while a bunch of losers try to tell me that im dying
Ultra Magnus: Blocked. Blocked. Blocked. You are all blocked. None of you are free of sin
Jack: yes trolls. unlike you, i have a brain. its called a ” JOB ”
Raf: downloading shit loads of counterfeit papa john coupons through unsecure wifi net works
Miko: DAD: i just heard on t he news that teens are taking the “Kick My Ass” challenge. please dont do this ME: you have no power over me, old man
Jane Darby: startling how im the only person on this site with an actual human soul. you would think the other guys on here have one, but no
Fowler: i enjoy a bit of “Humour” every now and then, but people seriously need to stop tying me to a chair and injecting me with unknown substances
Megatron: my followeres, who all hate me, and wish to kick my ass, are nobodys, and they lack the combat training to injure me, because theyre infant
Stascream: I just looked up the stats and the number of meaningful relationships ive formed is less than the number of public restrooms ive Screamed in
Soundwave: im the guy who airbrushes the nipples out of pro wrestling ads. i make $85k a year. but i have a secret *removs shades to reveal nipple eyes
Knockout: I put years of hard work into getting my torture degree at torture college & now everyones like “oh tortures bad” , “its ineffective” fuck off
Breakdown: my grave is just a huge tv displaying videos of me doing parkour in hell and it makes all the other graves look like shit
Arachnid: i will tell you this right now: I’m from hell. Im highly fucked up. Ive been known to say rude things and watch the carnage unfold brutally
Shockwave: i have absolutely zero interest in friendship, i have absolutely zero interest in jokes, i am simply here to collect data and earn respect.
Predaking: please bring your rats to the new castle flea market so I may bless/heal them. ill be sitting in a lawn chair wearing a stolen priest outfit
Dreadwing: (the trolls watch in astonishment as the milk shake they threw at me flawlessly bounces off of my head wwith minimal pain and mess involved)
Unicron: *all horrors begotten by the desire of man flash before eyes* woha! this is awkward *the cries of millions suffering echo* Damn That’s Weird